


SBURB Must Hate Me

by grimAdder



Category: Homestuck, Replay Value AU - Fandom
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, I made my own work skin for this, M/M, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Replay Value AU, There Are a Lot of Original Characters, irregular updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 03:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12356805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimAdder/pseuds/grimAdder
Summary: Callan Monara has been through a lot of games and he's seen a lot of things. A LOT of things. A huge session full of new players is not one of those things.He really hates this game.





	SBURB Must Hate Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sburb Glitch FAQ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/340777) by [GodsGiftToGrinds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodsGiftToGrinds/pseuds/GodsGiftToGrinds). 



> So, I really liked the Replay Value AU and my friend and I have a bunch of OCs and I like writing so this happened. Whoops. I might have a sequel work that's just a list of the characters (because there are a lot of them) that will be updated as it goes. Who knows? (Not me.)  
> If you haven't read (or at least browsed) Sburb Glitch FAQ by GodsGiftToGrinds (http://archiveofourown.org/works/340777/chapters/551606) this won't make much sense probably.  
> This is going to be a big mix of references to other fics in the Replay Value verse (I'll link as necessary) and my own headcanons and ideas. I can't say it won't be a wild ride.

Your name is Callan Monara and wow, are you pissed.

Well, you are a little preoccupied with everything being really weird, but, yeah, you're still pretty pissed and getting tired of the replay button.

See, what you're used to is waking up in someone else's room. Filling in for someone or showing up in broken ass games that some poor group really needed help with. You had gotten used to this after at least thirty some years. It had become normal. Beat the hell game, end up with the shitty replay button instead of the Final Reward- which you had started doubting the existence of about ten sessions back,- say your goodbyes, and move on to help some other poor group of souls.

No, instead, this time, you end up in your room. Or well, a room that looks exactly like your room had all those years ago in that posh New York penthouse that you'd always despised.

You find yourself thinking that SBURB got you again, just when you left the last game thinking you had seen all SBURB had to offer with a sprite prototyped with another sprite (since when did Rain players think it was a good idea to do the time travel thing? Honestly). You hate this game.

You get out of bed, realizing the room is an exact replica of your teenage room which you haven't seen since leaving your original game twelve sessions ago.

You consider yourself lucky to have lived through thirteen sessions, not many can boast that many sessions. You are not proud though. You've done some pretty terrible things (at least seventy percent of those out of necessity) and you've lost a lot of good players. You aren't as numb as you'd like to be.

You forget to be pissed about being in a fourteenth session when you get annoyed by the sunlight coming in through the window between the blinds. You don't like bright lands. You have yellow eyes- because apparently no one playing this game is allowed to be normal- which aren't great at the whole, filtering out light thing, so, rightfully, you don't like lands with a lot of light. If you're a Light player, you think you might scream, you hate being a Light player personally, though, some of your favorite people were native Light players. It's just not your thing, knowledge and luck and whatever (which is exactly why you would get it, you hate this game).

You freeze up as soon as you pull the blinds back. What you see below you is some land that certainly looks like what you remember New York looking like. That is just weird enough that you forget to be annoyed or angry about this hell game. You pull out a laptop that happens to be in your Sylladex- the fact that it resembles your first ever laptop freaks you out a little, but it is a popular brand so it probably means nothing, you're sure. You log in to Pesterchum and don't pay any attention to the chums you're automatically connected with. You can get acquainted with your fellow players' tags later.

"Oh good, there's a memo already open," you say out loud, mostly to yourself but some Whisperings like being talked to so maybe it's for them too. What the hell is the name? Shipping? You are going to scream.

CURRENT charmPrivelege [CCP] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCP: so first of all, this is a terrible name for a memo and it better have been started by a heart player or we've got problems  
CCP: second, what the hell is up with my land???  
CMG: Okay but black Hopea and Deghin  
User caddisAilurophilia [CA] has auto-banned user metallicGalaxy [MG] from this memo board for inappropriate language, banned user may contact user caddisAilurophilia [CA] for permissions.  
CAF: I would like to state that I literally warned her against this exact thing.  
CCE: She's not wrong though???  
User caddisAilurophilia [CA] has auto-banned user chemicallyEophid [CE] from this memo board for inappropriate language, banned user may contact user caddisAilurophilia [CA] for permissions.  
CAA: ... have i ever mentioned that she is scary good at programming  
CBN: wait look  
CBN: cp finally answered guys holy shit

What?

CBN: hi yeah this is a pretty terrible name for a memo but I once got like thirty bucks for pale Damari/Tantea happening so trust me it's totally worth it  
CBN: what is a heart player???  
CBN: by 'land' are you referring to New York? CA up there said that's where you were according to weird programming stuff that i can't even try to understand  
CBN: and if you are referring to NY lol man i don't know i don't pay attention to the news lately but there have been these crazy meteors so maybe i should???  
CBN: ps don't tell shikso he'll panic  
CAF: Too late  
CBN: :///////////// thanks tantea

You don't know how this BN person types so fast or how this AF-Tantea person keeps up, but one of them is probably a Time player if you have to guess. There's a whole lot of stuff weirder than typing speed in all of that though. New York must be some dorky nickname for the ex-player's land. Not knowing what a Heart player is is more than a dumb joke surely. Meteors could very easily just be a thing for that person's land- you've seen it before, so whatever, same with the news things.

CCP: very funny  
CCP: everyone knows what a heart player is  
CCP: unless this is your like, second go around, is that it  
CCP: also what do you mean my land is new york what planet am i on

There isn't a response for a while, which is weird. These people should definitely know their dead co-players land name, though it certainly wouldn't be the saddest case of player negligence you've ever seen. Or, you guess, the player died very early in Entry.

CAF: You cannot be serious  
CBN: um...?  
CAA: Earth???????

You stare for a while because wait a minute, what? You are, at first, certain that they must be messing with you, but all the other vaguely weird things would make sense if they were telling the truth. You decide to just stare around your room for a few minutes in awe at just exactly how awful this game is to have stuck you with at least nine new players. You groan as you realize how much of a nightmare a ten person session is going to be, your biggest session was six and it was a little more chaotic than you'd like. With a sigh, you go back to the memo.

CCP: haha just kidding  
CCP: so um  
CCP: there's a cool new game coming out  
CCP: right?  
CAA: Uh yeah. Did you look at the other memos?  
CCP: yeah that's definitely how i know about the game

You suppose that you actually probably should check out some of the other memos to figure out exactly when your own personal hell on CD is supposed to arrive. You click out of the memo box and on the main Pesterchum window and now you notice some really weird stuff. Pesterchum is called something different, which is whatever, it's called Pestertroll in this universe which is weird but you can handle it. No. The really weird thing is the sheer number of chums in your chum list. You have to actually scroll through the list to see all of the tags.

CAA: Okay so hopea said that your copy is probably going to show up some time today  
CCP: right okay  
CCP: so um please tell me you guys have a lot of multiple accounts  
CAA: None of us do? Why?  
CCP: my account is glitching i think there are twenty three tags here  
CURRENT caddisAilurophilia [CA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCA: this isn't really the memo to have this conversation on :p but i'll cut you some slack because you finally answered  
CCA:(　＾∇＾)  
CCA: anyway no glitch  
CCA: well not really  
CCA: according to deep code admin pspace automatically added us on eachother's chum rolls as we made our accounts  
CCA: you've always been on ours

You now decide to grab a pillow and scream into it. You were okay with with a ten person session. Not really, but you were willing to deal with it. This you are not willing to just 'deal with.' Good ol' Paradox Space has slam dunked you into a twenty four player session that was full of brand new players that you have to get through Entry, easily the hardest part of the whole hell game. You are going to have to go through Entry.

Have you mentioned that you despise this game?

You consider, for a few moments, just laying around and letting the meteor hit you. You have had it with SBURB's crap. But then, you go and do the stupid thing. You think about this group of kids- you're absolutely allowed to call them kids considering you're technically at least forty-five years old- anyway, you think about this group of kids and you think about how you felt your first session. Clueless and scared, and that was in a four person game with two of best titles. This stupid thinking thing that you are doing makes the decision for you.

You are going to help this group of twenty-three kids and you are going to kick Skaia's ass. You make it your personal goal right then and there that every single one of these kids are going to go God Tier and no one is going to end up a PK and you are going to win this game so hard that SBURB is going to have no choice but to give you that bullshit Ultimate Reward that it owes you.

CCP: you know what, you're right, this isn't a good memo for this  
CCP: is there a better memo for us to talk about this game?


End file.
